The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.