Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo