I wish my penis had an off switch
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.