I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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