I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
