Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
