I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
