you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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