winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
