Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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