Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
