My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
