She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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