note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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