I love black thongs
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He better not be in your backpack
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
