she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
