Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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