I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
