then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
