dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
