I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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