Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
