I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
