His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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