Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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