I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
