remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
