So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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