Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
