Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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