Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
