when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
