Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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