There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
