I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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