I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
