Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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