her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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