Don't you send me to vm
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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