My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
