My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
