If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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