I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
