that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
