hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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