Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
