WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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