Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
