I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
