Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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