Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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