You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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