hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
