If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
