So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
