he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
