There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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