I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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